Blarg

Here's the thing - I never know what my day will be like.  Sometimes it's good and sometimes... not so much.  Scarlett's nap schedule and moods are so incredibly unpredictable that I can't plan anything, even a silly blog entry (I've written and rewritten this posting nine times in the last four days).  Some days she'll fall asleep fairly easily and stay asleep for a couple hours - sometimes twice a day.  On those days Scarlett is in a great mood and so am I.  I can get a lot done and feel rested.  But most days she takes two or three 30-45 minute naps and is pretty much cranky from morning to night.  Yesterday was one of those days.  Scarlett fussed and cried and would not go to sleep.  At around 3:00 I couldn't take it anymore.  I put her in her crib and as she cried I got dressed.  Then I picked her up, soothed her and put her down so I could wash my face and brush my teeth.  All the while she's wailing.  It was brutal.  Thankfully my amazing and supportive husband came home so I could be alone for a little while.  I was drained.  I felt empty inside.

She finally fell asleep for the night at around 11:30 and didn't wake up again until 5am this morning.  I want to be excited about that.  I want to think it's progress (it happened two nights earlier, too), but I can't.  I want to think it's promising that she fell asleep this morning without much crying, but I can't.  I've been let down too many times.  Maybe it's my fault.  Maybe I don't know what the hell I'm doing.  Maybe it's Scarlett.  Maybe she's over stimulated and can't calm herself down.  Whatever the reason, I'm still determined to figure this all out.  

Oh, and I promise these posts will be more uplifting soon.  I do realize I've been a downer lately.  Such is life.