Rocky Dreams

The past few nights I've had some really wacked out dreams involving our cat, Rocky (the one on the left in the photo). Tuesday night I dreamt that I was out of town with my mom and a couple of my girlfriends. I was in the backseat of a car as we were driving somewhere when I felt my stomach starting to move. I lifted my shirt and saw that the baby was thrusting her skinny, little arms and hands out. I could see the entire outline of the fingers as if my skin was super thin and stretchy. Very science fiction. I pointed it out for everyone to see. We were all excited - no one thought it was in the least bit out of the ordinary. I was then in labor and at a doctor's office. I somehow gave birth (that part was mysteriously absent from the dream) and when they handed me my baby it was Rocky as a kitten. I was really sad about it and remember thinking - he's cute, but I really wanted a human baby.

The next night I dreamt that Rocky was playing next to me when all of the sudden his paw fell off. There was no blood and he didn't look in pain, but I was beside myself. I was crying to Brandon about how terrible it is that all of our cats die (even though the cat wasn't dead and, in reality, only one of our cats have died). I woke up and called for Brandon. I asked him to hold Rocky up for me so I could make sure all of his paws were intact. They were.

I'm pretty sure why I had these dreams. Chico, our other cat, goes outside in the morning and it really upsets Rocky. He gets all needy and in my face - "Love me! Pet me! Where's Chico? When is he coming back? Are you going to check on him? I need a hug. I need Chico. Where is he? When is he coming back?" All of this, of course, is in the form of "meow, meow, meowmeow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meowmeow, meowmeow, meow..." either outside my door or two inches from my face. I'm sure the dreams are also reflective of feeling like 'protector mommy' and knowing that the end is near and I'm going to have a baby soon. Hopefully, a human baby. With her hands attached.

My dreams last night weren't nearly as interesting. It was mostly just a recap of last night's Lost and my analysis of everything that happened. Did you watch? It was awesome.

Um...

Looks like someone is proud of their new teeth.
Though I have no idea why.

Crossdressing

Well, it was bound to happen - I've started to raid my husband's closet. It started innocently with a couple t-shirts, then I found a pair of his shorts that fit me and now I'm wearing his flannel shirts. I've worn the t-shirts to work (there's only so much one can wear with leggings), but thankfully the shorts and flannels have stayed home or in the general vicinity. I looked borderline homeless walking to Trader Joe's this weekend with baggy black pants and a big blue plaid flannel shirt, but I was comfortable and Brandon was with me and he didn't care. He's good to have around - sometimes when I'm feeling my grossest, he'll tell me I'm cute.

They are Babies

Brandon and I went on our first baby shopping excursion today. We went to the closest Babies R Us, which is a good twenty minutes away in the beautiful (read: crappy) city of Van Nuys. I was kind of looking forward to it, but it ended up being pretty overwhelming. The place was packed with couples and families and virtually no salespeople. We were so lost. I did some research before we went - checked ratings on the Babies R Us website and the Target and Baby Center websites and I even signed up for Consumer Reports. I talked to a couple moms who gave me some suggestions, but clearly we need more help. I think I know which car seat to get, but I'm lost when it comes to strollers. And cribs. And anything having to do with breastfeeding.

So, although we weren't terribly successful today it did make me that much more excited for Sunny to get here. I can't believe we have to wait another three and a half months to meet her! It's good though - she needs the time to grow and we need the time to prepare for her arrival. I'm pretty sure I've decided on colors for her room - pink, lime green and white. Brandon wanted me to post some "swatches" so he would remember, so here you go:

This was my original inspiration (from Crate and Barrel). I think it looks clean and happy. Throw in a little pink and there you have it.

23 weeks

We had another great doctor's appointment yesterday. The doctor measured my belly from the top of the pelvic bone to the other side of the bump to see how the baby is growing. At this point, each centimeter is equal to one week of how far along I am (like the rings of a tree, my clever husband said). According to her I'm right on target. We also listened to Sunny's heartbeat, which was strong. No ultrasound, so I still don't know where my placenta is, but I'm scheduled to have one next month. Fingers crossed.

Sunny's been moving a lot lately. It's everyday now, many times a day. Lately she's been catching me off guard with a deep kick and I jump a little. I wonder what she's doing in there. I feel different movements - sometimes it feels like a kick or a punch and sometimes it feels like she's rolling around. My doctor says she's swimming. I wish my belly was like a glass bottom boat and I could see inside and watch her whenever I wanted. Of course I would put up a curtain up or something so not everyone could see.

Down at Eagle Rock

It's official...we're moving! In a month! After spending the past two months checking Craigslist and Westside Rentals for new listings pretty much every hour, we finally found a place. We both had to come to terms with the fact that we really can't afford a decent two-bedroom apartment in Los Feliz (where we live now) or Silver Lake (the next neighborhood over), so we've settled for Eagle Rock, which is about five miles east. It's a hip, up and coming section of Los Angeles. There are cute cafes and shops that are within walking distance, which was very important to us, and a Trader Joes just a short drive away. The property is also very private and secluded - a rare combination. It's the entire first floor of a house (there's a small studio upstairs where a guy lives, but he travels often - score). It has two bedrooms, a little office area, a nice kitchen (with a dishwasher!), a big family room, and lots of space outside to entertain and grow plants. It was quite a find.

It will be a change, but I think it will be good. We'll definitely miss living in Los Feliz. We like being so close to Griffith Park and I love being only a couple miles from work. It's so convenient to be able to walk to the grocery store and the video store and Brandon can walk to the gym. But space and quiet are going to be key for us very soon. Babies are small, but house guests are not. When my mom and in-laws come out here to meet Sunny I want them to stay with us, not in a hotel and not on our couch. As for the noise, I'm tired of being able to hear the guy in the building next door whistling and singing along to his stereo. And ever since they moved in, our upstairs neighbors have been the bane of my existence. I don't think they quite understand how much noise they produce. It's quiet now. I wonder if they went out of town.

Change is hard for me. It always has been, so moving to a new place in a new neighborhood is a big deal. This apartment also has special meaning to me. It was Brandon and my first place together and it was the last place Fuji lived before he died. We have lots of memories here. We have a routine. It's safe and familiar and predictable. I got thinking about it, though (with the help from my confidante, Laura, my mom and my sister-in-law, Deb) and I know this will be for the best. It's scary, but sometimes doing what I'm scared of yields the best results. And I'll have things around me that will keep me centered - my cats, my bed, my television (let's be honest, it helps), photos of my family and friends, and - most of importantly - my amazing husband and daughter. I could go anywhere and feel safe with those two around.

Fabulous

It took me a few weeks to find the motivation to go to the mall to buy maternity jeans. Most malls in the Los Angeles area are awful. They are crowded, outdated and ugly. If I do have to go to one, Brandon always says "good for you". He knows it takes courage to step through those glass doors. Last Saturday night at 5:00 I worked up the nerve to drive all the way to the mall in Sherman Oaks because they have an A Pea in the Pod store and a Baby Style.

I thought I would have the best luck at A Pea in the Pod. I was wrong. I tried on a good seven or eight pairs and they were all either too tight or made me look frumpy. These were $200 jeans for the love of goodness! And I was willing to pay that if they made me look and feel better about my growing behind. The woman who worked there didn't help the situation. She asked my name twice in the period of about two minutes and seemed tired of me after four. On top of that, she guessed my size as being bigger than I thought I was. Thank you, kind lady. I left the store feeling fat and sad and headed for Baby Style.

I like Baby Style. They have cute maternity clothes and adorable stuff for babies. After the nightmare that was A Pea in the Pod, I thought that Baby Style would surely come to my rescue. They had to have hip, designer jeans that fit me, right? Wrong. I tried each and every brand and style they carried and it was the same story - they either didn't fit me right or they made me look squat. Thankfully, the women who worked there were nice, albeit a bit naive. One saleswoman was clearly scared of me when I told her I was about to have a meltdown in the dressing room because nothing was fitting me. Thankfully she said the right thing - "was it because they're all too big?" Yes. Yes it was.

I did have a meltdown, but I waited until I was on the escalator on the way out of the mall. I called both Brandon and my mom and they were awesome, no surprise. Said all the right things. Of course I still went home and had a good cry, but it was nice to feel so much love and compassion from the people who mean the most to me. And I got over it. The next day I ordered some jeans on the Gap's website that arrived today and I am super happy with what I got - jeans that fit! And they're cute! And they were under $70! They're called the 'Fabulous jean' and they are. I should have listened to Lenore, the very wise (and also pregnant) wife of my cousin, Sean. She told me months ago to get jeans from the Gap. Sorry, Lenore. Next time I'll listen. I promise.

My dancing buddy

Later on Sunday night I got another Mother's Day present - a punch in the gut from Sunny! I felt some unfamiliar movement and looked down and actually saw my stomach moving. It was the strangest and most amazing thing. I ran into the bedroom to show Brandon and he got to witness it, too. Since then she's been dancing up a storm! I could feel her moving around and punching and kicking on and off all day yesterday. I don't know if I will ever get used to it. It is just too freaking cool.

Happy Mother's Day!

My incredibly sweet husband gave me this beautiful plant for Mother's Day. It was such a wonderful surprise. He's a good man, that Brandy-boo.

Brandon's brother, Devon, his wife, Missy, and their little Izzie are in town from Missouri this weekend visiting some of Missy's friends. We were so happy they shared their Mother's Day with us. We had brunch and hung out at Griffith Park. We had such an awesome time. I was sad to see them go.

Maybe I'm not lazy after all..

After far too much thought I decided to go to the prenatal yoga class and I loved it! Go figure! It was taught by a yoga instructor who wore a turban (see photo) and sat on a platform. I guess she's a big deal (famous for being loved by the famous) and for good reason - she was awesome. So kind and sincere. You could tell she had a lot of respect for pregnancy and everything a woman goes through. It was nice to be in a room full of fellow pregnant ladies. I wasn't worried about what I looked like or what I couldn't do. I just went with it. We stretched and danced and she talked about pregnancy and giving birth. I'll definitely be going back next weekend if this non-lazy version of myself sticks around.

Milestones and Excuses

Before I took my bath tonight I thought I would take my toenail polish off. That way, my toes will be all prepped and ready for me to paint in the morning. I got everything assembled and then quickly learned that I can no longer comfortably reach my toes. So much for saving money on pedicures.

This growing belly of mine is also causing my back to start hurting. I wasn't feeling too awesome at work today. I kept on having to get up and walk around and stretch. I have a curvature to my back to begin with and all of this weight in front is making it curve even more. I know yoga would help, but I'm lazy. After work all I want to do is go home, make dinner, eat dinner, watch tv, check my e-mail, read and go to bed - in that order. There's a prenatal y0ga class nearby that's supposed to be great, but I just can't get myself to go. There are classes on the Saturdays and Sundays, but my weekends are dedicated to getting things done that I've put off all week. Like buy maternity jeans and get a pedicure. I may cheat and get a Thai massage. Do I sound bitter? Sorry, I guess it's just been a long week.

True Story

Earlier this week I was sitting at my desk at work talking to my boss. I itched my stomach and thought - wow, I'm getting fat. And then I remembered that I'm pregnant.

Quickening

Even though my placenta isn't in the most ideal location, I have started to feel Sunny moving! It started last week and now it's happening more and more. It's an odd sensation - like someone is tapping my insides. It happens right where her feet are, so I assume it's her kicking her little legs. After seeing Sunny in the ultrasound, Brandon and I got concerned at how little space she has to move around. He hopes she doesn't get claustrophobic like her daddy. I worry, too, so it's nice to feel her moving. It gives me peace of mind and it's fun. It's like I have a little buddy hanging out with me all the time. I felt her when we were at the movies watching Iron Man this weekend. Looks like we have ourselves a superhero fan. Adorkable!

One pound, 21 weeks, freaking adorable

Here she is! Can you see her? She had both of her arms up over her face the whole time. What a sassy one. I look at this picture and already I want to just eat her up. All one pound of her. Oh, and it's official - our little Sunny is a girl. According to the doctor, she is very healthy. Heart looks good, brain looks good, umbilical cord looks good. I love good news. It does, however, seem that my placenta likes to hang out right on my cervix and is covering the entire thing. Low placenta = c-section = not awesome. The doctor said that I'm not allowed to freak out yet (his words) as it will most likely migrate upwards soon. Kind of like a Canadian goose flying north to Manlius to hang out for the summer. It's really beautiful there that time of year...hint, hint.

*Update: in case you can't see Sunny in the photo, it's her profile and she's looking to the right. Please let me know if you still can't see her and I'll label it. Good stuff.

Suri or Penelope?

Before I got pregnant, naming my imaginary child was fun! I bought my first name book in the 5th grade. I'm not sure why there was a baby naming book geared towards the pre-teen crowd, but I thought it was awesome. Since then I've always been interested in names. Not other people's names, though - my future child's name. Maybe it's a female thing. I used to love going to baby name websites and reading baby name books at the bookstore. I started asking Brandon about names he liked before we were engaged. I actually remember naming our children before we even started dating. Julian for a boy, which was later given a big thumbs down by every man I know. It was so innocent then. The hypothetical naming of a child that doesn't exist was so easy! Like pasta!

Now that I have an actual baby on the way, naming her feels close to impossible. I'm supposed to name someone I've never met? And this name is supposed to fit her? Forever? I'm wondering if I'm putting too much pressure on myself. Rarely do I think about my name. I know a number of people who share my name, but I don't give it much thought. The forums I read on the baby naming websites I go to are generally pretty intense. It seems that everyone wants to name their baby a name that is unique, but not too unique. Sadly, I think I actually fit into that category. I'm not going to pretend we're cooler than we actually are and name our daughter Pilot Inspektor or Apple or Calliope, but I also don't plan on naming her something that is super popular right now. I'd like to find a balance.

I thought it would be interesting to look into Brandon and my family trees to find a name that honors our families. Kiki (my mom's sister) has done extensive research into my maternal grandparents' pasts, which she kindly sent me. It's pretty fascinating. I have always loved my middle name. Elizabeth was my mom's given name and her mother's, too. I learned from the family tree that Elizabeth was also my grandmother's paternal grandmother's name. Now my niece, Fiona Elizabeth, is carrying on that tradition and I couldn't be prouder (I like to think - pretend - that she was named after me, too). Yes, I changed my middle name to my maiden name when I got married, but so did my mom. And I wanted to honor my dad. See how complicated this can get?

The fact that none of my ancestors were named Amy doesn't bother me in the slightest. I asked my mom once why she named me Amy. She said it was because she thought it was beautiful. I can't think of a better reason than that. So, the quest to find a name for our unborn daughter continues. I think we have it narrowed down to about five names, but I'm pretty sure that will change in the next four months. I'm nervous about making the list public because, well, people can be tough critics. So, loyal blog readers, be surprised when Sunny is born. For she will most likely not be named Sunny. We think.