Walk in the Park

Joanna, one of my friends from high school, was in town this week so Scarlett and I met her at Griffith Park for a walk. I wanted Joanna to see the Old Zoo area in the park where the Los Angeles Zoo used to be. Some of the cages are still there and it's interesting (and sad) to see how confined the animals were. There was a shoot going on at the entrance, some sort of cop show I think. They asked us to wait until they were between takes before we walked pass them. As we did we heard "Action baby carriage!" Heh. Scarlett was tired and cranky, but she calmed down once we started walking. She started getting fussy when we stopped to take a break halfway up a steep incline so we kept moving. Joanna said she was like our coach pushing us to keep going. She could get paid good money for that.

Two months

Our sweet Scarlett boohead turned two months old yesterday, so to celebrate we brought her to the pediatrician for some shots.  Poor little bugger.  She was such a good girl, especially for being hungry and tired.  The doctor was really happy with her height and weight - 10 pounds, one and a half ounces and 22 1/2" long (I'm guessing that the ruler at the hospital was off, seeing that nine weeks ago she was 22" and two weeks later she was measured at 20").  The doctor was also happy with her development.   She's right on target - tracking with her eyes and smiling and cooing.  I love talking to her and getting her to talk back.  She looks into my eyes and makes the sweetest little sounds.  She is quite the talker and I love seeing her so happy.  She has the most adorable gigantic grin and just today I spotted a dimple!  Just like her daddy.  

Pacified

The Happiest Baby on the Block recommends sucking as a way to help calm a crying baby. Unfortunately for us, Scarlett has never been a fan of pacifiers.  She will suck on my little finger until it's pruned, but will very dramatically spit out any pacifier that's put into her mouth.  That is, until I found the Soothie.  The Soothie's nipple is shaped more like a bottle nipple.  And it has no taste.  I've tried them all and the others taste like rubber.  Scarlett still prefers sucking on a finger or an actual nipple, but she'll take the Soothie for a little while which gives me a bit of a break.  Sometimes she sucks so hard and I know she's waiting for milk to come out.  Too bad I'm not the Electric Grandmother.  That would be cool.

Blarg

Here's the thing - I never know what my day will be like.  Sometimes it's good and sometimes... not so much.  Scarlett's nap schedule and moods are so incredibly unpredictable that I can't plan anything, even a silly blog entry (I've written and rewritten this posting nine times in the last four days).  Some days she'll fall asleep fairly easily and stay asleep for a couple hours - sometimes twice a day.  On those days Scarlett is in a great mood and so am I.  I can get a lot done and feel rested.  But most days she takes two or three 30-45 minute naps and is pretty much cranky from morning to night.  Yesterday was one of those days.  Scarlett fussed and cried and would not go to sleep.  At around 3:00 I couldn't take it anymore.  I put her in her crib and as she cried I got dressed.  Then I picked her up, soothed her and put her down so I could wash my face and brush my teeth.  All the while she's wailing.  It was brutal.  Thankfully my amazing and supportive husband came home so I could be alone for a little while.  I was drained.  I felt empty inside.

She finally fell asleep for the night at around 11:30 and didn't wake up again until 5am this morning.  I want to be excited about that.  I want to think it's progress (it happened two nights earlier, too), but I can't.  I want to think it's promising that she fell asleep this morning without much crying, but I can't.  I've been let down too many times.  Maybe it's my fault.  Maybe I don't know what the hell I'm doing.  Maybe it's Scarlett.  Maybe she's over stimulated and can't calm herself down.  Whatever the reason, I'm still determined to figure this all out.  

Oh, and I promise these posts will be more uplifting soon.  I do realize I've been a downer lately.  Such is life.

Whoops...progress

I accidently deleted this post...

I've been thinking: I've been kind of hard on myself.  I have a lot to learn, but for a new mom I'm not so bad.  It actually surprises me sometimes how well I've acclimated to my life as a mom of a newborn.  Just today I took little Scarlett out to meet a friend (the lovely J.A.) for lunch.  It was the first time we did something like that just the two of us and it couldn't have gone better.  It never occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to pull it off on my own.  Yes, she wailed in the car on the way home because she was hungry, but we made it back safe and sound and now she's down for the count.  

I'm proud of the steps I've taken to improve Scarlett's sleeping.  I've been logging her naps, awake times and feeding times to see if a pattern emerges.  That's still to be determined, but for now it's a great tool to keep track of her day.  We've come a long way in just a few days.  She's sleeping a lot more and going down for her naps a lot easier.  I'm learning about the different sounds she makes, too.  Boy is she a talker!  She has a whole repertoire of sounds she makes when she's in her crib falling asleep and a separate set for when she's about to start crying for someone to pick her up.  I'm not going to lie - things are getting better, but it's still tough sometimes.  She had a heck of a time falling asleep yesterday afternoon and it got to the point where I thought we were going to be up all night.  And then she fell asleep and stayed asleep for three hours and we had a typical uneventful night.  Phew.

Learning Curve

I have no idea what I'm doing.  For years people have been telling me how good I am with kids.  They're right - I am.  I'm comfortable around kids and I like to think that they're comfortable around me.  I treat kids with respect.  I think they are extremely interesting, fun, funny and real.  But just because I like kids doesn't mean I know how to raise one.  I have no idea how to raise a child.  I just found out yesterday that Scarlett isn't getting nearly enough sleep as she should be.  I'm embarrassed for not knowing this.  Why does it seem like every other mother in the world knows what they're doing and I don't?  Am I the only new mother who feels lost and alone most of the time?  

I'm convinced that my darling daughter has been miserable for days - weeks, even - because she's so overtired.  Yesterday was a disaster.  She was up for six hours.  She cried, I cried, it was awful.  I attempted to let her cry it out a bit, but after five minutes I thought I was going to vomit.  No more of that.  Last night I spoke to two moms who I trust - my sister-in-law, Jen, and my dear friend Emily - who gave me some great advice.  I also read The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer.  Today I put what I learned into action with promising results.  I'm going to keep working at it.  I know things will get better.  It's a learning curve.  I hope.

Let sleeping babies lie...

Last night was probably our roughest yet.  Scarlett started fussing at around 8pm and didn't actually fall asleep and stay asleep until around 1am.  We rocked and walked and swaddled and shushed, but nothing would soothe her for very long.  The night before she went down without too much fanfare and slept for a record-breaking four straight hours, so at least there's some relief.  And she was a really good napper today.  I experimented a bit and didn't move her to her crib from the bed where I was nursing her.  I made sure she was safe by barricading her with pillows and she slept for three hours - twice!  Who knows if this will work tomorrow, but I'm happy today.

Eyeballs

Like every other mom on the planet, I'm anxious to see what color eyes Scarlett will have. I have brown eyes, but since my dad had beautiful blue eyes and Brandon does, too, there is a fifty percent chance that Scarlett will have blue eyes. Look at me - I paid attention in science class!

Right now Scarlett's eyes are very blue, but I've heard that most newborns start off having blue eyes, so we'll see.